For the Children

Many thanks to our guest blogger, Alice Erbacher, for her words of wisdom on raising children in a world that often feels like it's moving too fast. Alice is a qualified swim instructor and singer, but spends most of her time these days 'growing up' with her daughter and getting excited about the little one on the way.

 

We all know how quickly childhood passes! One day we're ringing family to say that little Johnny just took his first step, and the next we're sending out invitations to his 21st birthday. 

For the modern day mother and father, there's so much to do in what seems a very small window of time: cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, daycare, work, school, lunches to make, errands to run, bills to pay, ballet, soccer, football, gymnastics and swimming lessons to get to, homework to be done, phone calls to make, emails to check, Facebook to catch up on... There is just so much. We're living in an age of noise, technology and virtual dependence.

I recently saw a morning news report on a number of parents who have taken the first step to ensure that their children can deal with this 'stress' in their lives; I nearly fell over when I heard how they're planning to do this...

They're sending them to meditation and yoga classes each afternoon.

Seriously. What has happened to the world? Have we complicated things too much?

I truly believe that if there were more family time at home, less scheduled outings for our children and more playtime (not scheduled playtime; just good old fashioned playtime), it would allow their tiny minds, bodies and imaginations to soar - as they should be able to in childhood. 

The family is the core unit of society, and our little ones need and deserve to know that they live in a stable, happy family environment in which they can best mature into the men and women they're supposed to become.

The imagination and the memory are two of the most powerful faculties of the human mind. If these are stifled continuously by spending countless hours messaging virtual friends on social media, or by sitting in front of the TV or video games, we'll quickly become a generation of robots, capable of only doing three things: eating, sleeping and turning on the screen. Ok, perhaps this is an exaggeration, but imagine if Mozart hadn't been brought up to use and develop these skills, he wouldn't be the musical prodigy that he is today; or if Albert Einstein hadn't taken the time to just sit outside and enjoy his surroundings, he wouldn't have started wondering about the speed of light - and hence wouldn't be one of the greatest scientific minds the world has ever seen.

The typical daily agenda of any schoolchild these days is crammed with breakfast, TV, school, morning tea, lunch, sport, karate, homework, video games, dinner, internet, bed. The next morning, the child wakes up and does it all over again. Even the child's weekends are jam-packed with sporting events, birthday parties and shopping sprees with friends. 

Compare this to the daily agenda of a schoolchild 50-60 years ago, which revolved primarily around their schooling and afterwards having fun and exploring his/her environment. 

                                                                                                 

So what's the solution? Well, instead of settling for the mundane, frantic and generally chaotic way of life that we've adopted in the last few decades, I have another idea: when the kids get home from school, instead of letting them jump on the computer or spend a few hours in front of the TV, let's give them some fruit. Give them a ball and take them out into the backyard. Or give them a spade and let them get their hands dirty in the garden soil. Let them make dirt tracks for their matchbox cars, army men and tanks, or build little fairy houses for their dolls.  

Make a batch of cookies with them and take them to the old lady down the road, or the old man next door - the kids could learn so much from talking to them. 

Let them tinker in the shed with Dad, and learn how the engine in the car starts, how to mow the lawns or how to build a tree-house.  Let's teach them some valuable lessons that they'll remember for the rest of their lives! 

Computers are a wonderful piece of technology, but they shouldn't replace real everyday learning. Our children need to learn how to look up a word in the dictionary, not just type it into Google and have the answer pop up on the screen. Our children need to know what it's like to lose themselves in the pages of a book; to get so carried away by the words, the characters and the story, that they feel as though they're actually living it.  Let the little girls read the beautiful old fairytales and dream about having a dress like Cinderella - better yet, head to the material shop, let them pick out some cheap material and do some sewing with them and pretend they're the wearing the beautiful ball gown. As the little girls grow up, inspire them with the stories of women who accomplished great things and left their mark on the world. 

Let the kids play Cowboys and Indians, with toy weapons fashioned from sticks. Let them read books about heroes and adventurers - every kid (boy and girl alike) loves to read about the explorations of Robinson Crusoe or the exciting adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Let them use their imagination and run wild with it. 

Teach your children about real beauty. Go for walks and let them collect a few insects that they can watch and learn from; let them discover the simple splendour of a flower's intricate petals. There's much more to discover from just standing outside, than sitting in front of a computer or TV screen. Just a quick glance at the sky, can start your little one's imagination soaring: how do the birds fly? How do they know where they're going? Which direction is the sun traveling in? What are the clouds made of? These are basic but important little questions that our children need to ask and learn the answers too. They will gain much more knowledge from doing something rather than just seeing it done on TV.

Kids love nothing more than to go on picnics. Let them plan the lunch and organise what will be needed - practicing these skills will help them think for themselves and develop ways to organise things later on in life. 

Teach them the value of real life communication and socialisation. The other day when my husband and I were shopping, we stopped by the food court to grab some lunch. As we waited for the food, I couldn't help but notice a young boy no older than 4, sitting at a table with his mother and grandparents, a Happy Meal by his side. His feet were pulled up in front of him, his head bowed and in his tiny little hands he held an iPhone. The entire time we were there, he didn't glance up at the people sitting next to him, he was far too busy playing his game. His mother attentively hand-fed him his chicken nuggets as he barely lifted his eyes from the screen. For me, it was another reminder of the madness that has taken over our lives.                                                               

Let's teach our children that they're intelligent individuals who should strive to be individuals - not sheep who follow the mob. Our children are not robots. They are not machines. They are individual human beings. We need to expose them to the good, simple, beautiful things in life and encourage them to use their intelligence, imagination and memory.

The bottom line is: children shouldn't be stressed. They shouldn't be anxious. The fears and worries of life are for us men and women to take care of.  Our little ones will have to face that world soon enough, but for now, they deserve to be children. As their parents, it's our right and responsibility to make a concerted effort to make sure that home is always home for them. They'll be flying the coop soon enough, so don't rush it. We need to make a lot of time for them; we need to 'grow up' with them, in a sense.

Childhood only comes once, and as a mum or dad, we have the privilege of  being there for every part of it - so make the most of it. Time hasn't gotten faster, we've just gotten a whole lot busier...don't let the good things in life pass you by.

© Alice Erbacher 2012